It is nearly midnight and I just tucked in the last living thing in my house. Every single being (canine and human) is asleep.
There is one thought screaming so loud in my head right now I want to punch a wall.
I failed today.
In fact, I’ve been failing a lot lately. There’s that issue with the neighbors. And that friend I haven’t followed up with and those other three friends who’ve gotten my “not now but maybe later” responses. … and those are just the “nice” failures.
There is that deadline I’ve missed in a group of peers that I admire and respect. Ok… I’ve missed the last three. And really, it means I can no longer participate. (I cried over that one.)
And I admit, my mothering, housekeeping, and management activities haven’t exactly been up to par.
But the ice that just cracked my castle… I missed an opportunity. An opportunity to do what I love to do, what fuels my soul, what wakes me up in the morning and keeps me going all day. I love to write love notes. I love to encourage anyone who will listen. Call me crazy, but I live for it. I missed it today. No excuse, no really good reason. I let the chaos of everyday life overwhelm me and it sailed on by- between a mix up at guitar practice and a swirling sinus headache.
I blew it.
Maybe there’s someone out there like me tonight. You just need a win. Like a plastic bag frantic in the wind searching for a steady place, you’re searching for a success tonight. Just one. Me too.
That’s when I stumbled on this quote from Thomas Edison. He, 67 years young, watching everything he owned and all he’d been working on go up in flames, said:
“ There is great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start anew.”
And I saw my win.
Success doesn’t always look neat and tidy. And it never comes without a little grit. My win wasn’t a success today, it was a failure. In every failure is a lesson, and the lesson in all of this mess was to scrap it all and start over. But it is still a win.
So what, I missed it today, but today has gone up in smoke. I’ll be back tomorrow. And so will you. You got this friend, you got this.
I have been deprived of peace, I have forgotten what prosperity is. …My splendor is gone… I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions (His Mercy) never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:17-24