I Failed

It is nearly midnight and I just tucked in the last living thing in my house. Every single being (canine and human) is asleep.

Finally.

Except me.

There is one thought screaming so loud in my head right now I want to punch a wall.

I failed today.

In fact, I’ve been failing a lot lately. There’s that issue with the neighbors. And that friend I haven’t followed up with and those other three friends who’ve gotten my “not now but maybe later” responses. … and those are just the “nice” failures.

There is that deadline I’ve missed in a group of peers that I admire and respect. Ok… I’ve missed the last three. And really, it means I can no longer participate. (I cried over that one.)

And I admit, my mothering, housekeeping, and management activities haven’t exactly been up to par.

But the ice that just cracked my castle… I missed an opportunity. An opportunity to do what I love to do, what fuels my soul, what wakes me up in the morning and keeps me going all day. I love to write love notes. I love to encourage anyone who will listen. Call me crazy, but I live for it. I missed it today. No excuse, no really good reason. I let the chaos of everyday life overwhelm me and it sailed on by- between a mix up at guitar practice and a swirling sinus headache.

I blew it.

Maybe there’s someone out there like me tonight. You just need a win. Like a plastic bag frantic in the wind searching for a steady place, you’re searching for a success tonight. Just one. Me too.

That’s when I stumbled on this quote from Thomas Edison. He, 67 years young, watching everything he owned and all he’d been working on go up in flames, said:

“ There is great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start anew.”

And I saw my win.

Success doesn’t always look neat and tidy. And it never comes without a little grit. My win wasn’t a success today, it was a failure. In every failure is a lesson, and the lesson in all of this mess was to scrap it all and start over. But it is still a win.

So what, I missed it today, but today has gone up in smoke. I’ll be back tomorrow. And so will you. You got this friend, you got this.

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I have been deprived of peace, I have forgotten what prosperity is. …My splendor is gone… I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions (His Mercy) never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:17-24

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