Choosing Freedom (and a little Birthday Party)

In the quiet of the morning hours, memories dance through my mind. Their weight is heavy today, heavy with gratitude.

I remember the cold air on my face as I waddled to the door, clutching my pillow. The surge of adrenaline as I heard the cadence of his heart beat on the monitor. (That sound never gets old). The overwhelming pain of a contraction.

Connection. Life.

But its the sound of my soul crying out that resounds the loudest. As the ceiling tiles raced over my head and the strength of my body flooded the sheets, I can hear her. And I remember.

The doctors may have saved my life that day, holding my body back from the brink of death and keeping my husband a wife and my children a mother. But they also rescued my soul. And that is what I celebrate today.

Christine Caine says it perfectly in her book “Undaunted”: “My choices were limited. I could avoid the pain and live with a partially functioning leg for the rest of my life, or I could embrace the pain and experience a full recovery.”

My soul had been buried under the shadows of shame, tucked far behind the walls of fear and blocked in by a facade of people-pleasing bricks. My soul was scarred and calloused, only partially functioning. But five years ago those shadows split and the walls crumbled, and out of the ashes I found me. It hurt hard, but as I embraced the pain I found dreams to dream and words to write. I found hope and passion and authentic faith.

It sure hasn’t been a walk in the park, it takes courage and a lot of strength to rebuild and rebuild right, and we still have a long way to go. But today I remember just how far we’ve come. I remember the victories of finally being authentic. I remember the work of faith in the daily walking, the breakthroughs and break outs, the sweat and tears and … the freedom.

I yell out to my God, I yell with all my might,
I yell at the top of my lungs. He listens.
I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord;
my life was an open wound that wouldn’t heal.
When friends said, “Everything will turn out all right,”
I didn’t believe a word they said….

Once again I’ll go over what God has done,
lay out on the table the ancient wonders;
I’ll ponder all the things you’ve accomplished,
and give a long, loving look at your acts.

O God! Your way is holy!
No god is great like God!
You’re the God who makes things happen;
you showed everyone what you can do—
You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble,
rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph.
Psalm 77:1-2, 11-15 (MSG)


I wonder friends, what is holding you back from the freedom you seek. What would give your soul wings? Don’t wait for God to shake you out of your cave, step out now. He’s ready for you, He’s the God who makes things happen. He’s the designer, the author of all things you. Let His truth, His words write your story. It’s safe out here in the light of His love, promise.

This is Faith 2 Shine’s 2nd Birthday!! 155 total Posts. And just this year there were over 3,200 views from over 79 countries. Thank you friends, Thank you! You make me smile every time I open my computer and you are a constant in my prayers. Thank you for being here with me in this real life doing this real faith. Here’s to more words and another year pursuing His call.

Love you.


One Comment on “Choosing Freedom (and a little Birthday Party)

  1. Dear Brandi, It’s been five years. Thank you for sharing when Maelin was born. Also, Congratulations on Faith 2 Shine’s 2nd Anniversary.

    Dear Paul, Betty told me they visited your new office and it is quite impressive! Congratulations and may God prosper your business and give you many agents to work for you.

    Love, Grandma

    PS I made a mistake when I sent Maelin and Micah’s B.D. cards. I am re-sending them cards with the right birthdates.


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